If I was Caligula....I would go to Rehab

In my day, there was no rehab. Florida was undiscovered, Ken Sealy wasn't yet born, and really the entire job of an Emperor is feasting and boozing. Sure, I could pray to Apollo, but what a drag that guy is. All that dude does is flay satyrs and fire arrows of plague at everything.

Oh yeah, let me think, 'Bacchus, god of ecstasy and disorder or the guy who turns you into an incense plant when you bug him too much?' Exactly.